Today, I looked into the all-seeing eyes of E-god!

There I am!

I [h]ate yogurt

But yogurt technology is going to have to advance a couple years before I put myself through that again.

Moving into the future

I'm confident this technology will replace writing. I look forward to the new alphabet.

This is ridiculous!

TV ears are what impaired my hearing in the first place!

I ♥ small bands

A while ago beloved nonsense blog, Schoolpants, streamed an album from the band "The Tulips".  I liked it so much I sent them the simple message: "May I have a CD please?" After letting me know the CD was available for purchase in stores, they said they'd mail me one if I was low on cash. I said I could send them $5 dollars for it (an embarrassing offer now that I think about it...) and they agreed. It arrived today! 

(Check out those slutty lips! No wonder I was jealous...)

Today's my mom's fake birthday

Until I was about 10, I thought my mom's birthday was July 9th. No, I'm not LD. It's because she TOLD me it was her birthday. All of us. And every year we'd get her presents, buy her cakes and sing her songs as if it was her birthday. Until one day when she tells us her birthday is actually September 9th and never mentions it again.

Oh yeah, and she also used to sculpt us cakes made of rice garnished with spinach on our birthdays. Yeah, I had to teach myself how to birthday.

Today, in [fake] news!

HEADLINE: "Running of the Boobs: Spectators stand opened mouthed at Pamplona's annual festival where, once a year, they enjoy wine that runs freely from the chest of Spanish co-eds."

"I've been dead for years."

My favorite line from a film I watched today, "Submarine." Debut effort from Naijulatto (African Ice Cream), Richard Ayoade. It made me wish it were possible to travel back 13 years just so I could have more time to fall in love again for the first time. Really precious film. Watch it, why not?

(I'm starting to forget what kind of blog this is. My content is all over the place lately. I'll return with nonsense shortly. ♥)

Birthday Briefing

If you're not so good wif maths, my birthday is the Fourth of July. The best thing about having a birthday on a national holiday is that you don't have to go into work . The second best thing is that you can just co-opt events and make it seem like you went all out in planning a birthday blow-out. For that, no day's better than the Fourth. I didn't plan a thing, but I still got a bbq, fireworks and crowds and crowds of people to celebrate with. But to tell you the truth, I'm not a big birthday person. I like the cake, gifts and love, but I hate the attention. I feel weird about people knowing I care enough to do certain things for myself. I start to obsess about how excited I should feel about "my special day." And then I start to feel guilty that I half expect other to feel the same. So it's easiest for me if I just sit back and let the holiday run its course. 'Cause if people knew how much I love blowing out candles I'd just die! ...Don't tell anyone you read this!

B-day Break

I turn 27 tomorrow. I thought I was old when I turned 24, but 27 actually FEELS different. It's the first age when people think what you're doing isn't cute or innocent. Not "cute" but like, if I committed a spate of murders, the news would most definitely say the crimes were done by "a woman". And that scares me. Twenty-seven's the time when parents up talks about husbands and careers and "direction". I'll keep getting reminded that I'm "not getting any younger." And now I'm expected to be too mature to reply, "True, but you're still more likely to die before me." If I was younger I could get away with saying things like that. Moxie's meant to die after 26. Or at least, be veiled as a personal brand of cynicism. That doesn't even make sense. I must be getting old. I have less than 7 hours of being 26. Quick! Someone get me a skateboard! I got a lot of youthing to cram in.

Jealousy

Sometimes I get jealous. Recently I was brushing my teeth at the foot of someone's bed. And across from me was a collage of clippings and curios. (And let me just say I wasn't snooping! It was just something for my eyes to do while "single-handedly" fighting plaque.) Among the images I see a lipstick-kissed card tucked behind a photo and I thought, "What thick-lipped COW does something like that?! Tacky much? I bet her breath smells like old hats..." I stood to spit when I saw it was a message from me from six months earlier. I felt awful. Embarrassed that I jumped to conclusions. And also self-conscious that I apparently have slutty lips.

Pearly Whines

I always wished I was one of those girls who could smile with her mouth closed. Coquettish. Don't get me wrong, I like my smile. But sometimes it doesn't express how I feel. I'd like one of those smiles that conveys that what I find funny isn't actually that funny. Or that I've kept the funniest part of the joke to myself. I've tried to smile that smile. But when I do, it looks like I'm surpressing a laugh. Or like I can barely stretch my lips over the surface of my teeth. It's not what any observer or photog would call natural. And it's certainly not a "happy smile." My smile as it is, is wide and open. You can see at least 10 teeth when I smile. And even more when I laugh. And sometimes it strangely makes me sad. And then I get that closed-mouth-picture-look that I wanted. But then I don't feel like taking pictures anymore, so I don't have any proof.

I'm back!

I'm finally back from my 10-day long British adventure and I've never been so tired. Every day was chockablock with activities so apologies if I didn't have time to buy you pressies.  It was a short holiday but I made sure to take it all in. This is some of what I learned!

1. The only people fit to enjoy Glastonbury festival is low-twenty-somethings on drugs.
2. Sheep's wool feels like workman's pajamas.
3. Casual racism(?) against Irish Catholics is not only tolerated, it's encouraged. And hilarious. 
4. It doesn't get dark in the UK until after 10:00 PM in summer.
5. English mud is certainly at least 3% sh*t.
6. Black sheep's wool just gets bunched with the white wool and bleached. ("Nice one!")
7. All English accents are not charming.
8. Irish "history" sounds as far-fetched as it's folklore.
9. People are more than happy to adjust their diction to make sure "you understand". 
10. Sheep herding is an exhausting, but fulfilling, lark.
11. People think all American eateries look like Fuddruckers. 
12. "Eaton Mess" is a delicious shambles!
13. Brit desserts have strange names. ("Victoria Sponge" sounds like the name of a spoiled Roald Dahl character that scolds her dolls.) 
14. Disney is responsible for people thinking people from Bristol sound like pirates.
15. The "Island mentality" has not caught on in the UK.