Romance Bone

I used to think I didn't have a romantic bone in my body.  I always thought romance was for the birds. Love birds. And that any time spent on anything touchy-feely could touch the broadest part of the bottom of my heart. 'Cause honestly who has room?! What with the 200+ already rattling 'round these overstuffed skin-bags. And I'm a modern woman for crying out loud! But despite my best efforts I discovered I have a fully matured romance bone. And no, it wasn't discovered near my romance-hole, but over a series of events that verified its existence. Recently I've been finding myself doing things I wouldn't otherwise do.  Feeling ways I hoped I wouldn't soon feel due to that inconvenient bone. It's all very new to me but I'm staying realistic. I've simply come to the conclusion that feelings are fine as long as you feel fine. But like literal bones, figurative bones can break, and I'm prepared for that. That's why I have insurance.

Rubbish Recipe

After years of tweaking, I've finally developed the prefect trash recipe! A no-fail mix of mess that'll have your guests saying, "Hey! Is that garbage I smell...?!" Just follow these simple steps and you'll be making muck in no time!

You'll need:
          - Banana peels (or skins)
          - [Raw] chicken skins (or peels)
          - Egg shells
          - Decaying veggies (or anything that produces "garbage juice")
          - Mint flavored dental floss
          - Walnuts

Chef's Note: The serving amount depends on how much trash you'd like to make. This recipe makes one large serving so I suggest multiplying as needed if you're planning on making trash for two or more people.

First you'll need to build on a nice flavorful base, so start with your favorite unwantables to make waste that's all your own. Add aged banana peels and egg shells. (Many or few depending on the amount of eggy-banana-stink you can handle.) In a separate bowl, mix raw chicken skins and old veggies, drain juices and set aside, then add bowl to egg-banana mixture. Fold in lengths of mint floss for good measure, and pour in drainage. Sprinkle liberally with walnuts. Serve at room temperature.

Serves 1-2.

'Cause no one wants a generic breakfast

I wonder what the re-sale value is on these. 

I don't know how to convince myself they aren't the same person

Romany Malco (R.M.) and Rutina Wesley (R.W.) And a "W" is just a "M" mid-summersault... Hmmm...

No.

There's got to be a more conclusive test. The others weren't nearly this hard to tell apart.

Human Lessons

Sorry for not posting more frequently. Things have been really hectic for me recently. (Does that rhyme?) ... (Should I make this a rhyming post?) I've been focusing a lot of my energy on things to turn my life around.  I've since learned how to drive and received my first human license! (I guess not.) I'm really excited about that. I've purchased and now sleep in an actual human bed. Thrilled about that. And, most proudly, I've taken up reading! I know! A whole me, reading a real-life page-book! I just felt it was about time I start. (Plus, I hear guys like a girl that knows her way around a library, if you know what I mean.)

Now to clear any confusion, I KNOW HOW TO READ. I just don't. And haven't since last year. The book I read last year was "The Great Gatsby". And the year before that, "A Picture of Dorian Grey". (I didn't read often so I had to make the ones I do count.) But I'm really excited about this book I'm practicing on now. I'm not going to say the name because I've already received spoilers from people who think they're hilarious when they're actually just your average run-of-the-mill crumb-bums. (A clue to the book I'm reading.) Anyowl, I'm really looking forward to this more capable me. Everything just seems more possible when you start to treat yourself like an actual human being. Honestly, a lesson I wish I were taught earlier. ('cause man did I hate them earlier lessons.)

Today, in [fake] news!

HEADLINE: Time And Relative Distress In South: Firefighters kneel in anticipation of The Doctor's arrival; the true authority in times of English crisis.

Return of "the bad-times bowl"

I didn't have the easiest time growing up. Nothing serious. But I seemed to get in trouble for EVERYTHING! Saying "good morning" unenthusiastically. Finishing my meat before touching anything else on my plate. Handing my parents things with my left hand... It was out of control! But nothing caused me as much trouble as dishes. I hated dishes! Not only did they not wash themselves, they broke easily. They hung out on tables after meals. And, although I can't prove this, I'm pretty sure one snuck into my parent's bedroom and did things to my father at night. Anyway dishes caused me nothing but trouble. But I graduated, left home, moved countries. Forgotten! But then one day I go into my sister's office and she brings out a piece of that wretched crockery to offer me cherries. She admitted she got it from my folks' house.

Never had the taste of cherries seemed so bitter on my tongue. And never had I been so determined to wash a bowl and put it back in its rightful place.

I've got the perfect man for you, Sookie!

He's an even mix of your two favorite leading men! He's got the murderous intensity of Bill Compton softened by the boyish features of Eric Northman. 

 And he's a model~!

I know it's for cheesy purple suits, but come on! He's a daywalker!! Beats the alternative, right?