Say what you will...

...but Ryan Gosling doesn't do anything for me.  He looks like an albino Stefan Urquelle.

Do you believe in omens?

I do, maybe. Well, this morning I woke up to find a beekeeper outside of my house.  But I continued my day to find out my early-morning meeting was canceled, my boss brought me makeup and soup (Mmm! Auspicious!), and then I hear my work will be flying me out to New York for a few days real soon! Great day!

This is what I saw when I came home.

A billiondy scattered bee corpses. I hope this doesn't affect my tomorrow... 

20 Words That Sound Like [Certain Kinds Of] Black Names*

1. Arduous
2. Dossier
3. Vermillion
4. Chrysalis
5. Rosacea
6. Fibrous
7. Area
8. Loquacious
9. Rotunda
10. Veracity
11. Credenza
12. Audacious
13. Humidity
14. Sanguine
15. Accuracy
16. Reticent
17. Organza
18. Risqué
19. Artillery
20. Magnificence

If it helps, close your eyes and imagine it being yelled in a grocery store.
(*And I don't mean to be offensive. I just so happen to be a certain kind of Black.)

This poor economy is getting out of hand!

Now I can't even afford a cup of coffee!  Double darn these cutesy fees..!

I love Japanese McDonalds

Even though you spend less than $10 they make you feel like you spent $100.  

As a kinda of American, I thought it proper I had me one of these.

I couldn't resist! It had a huge dallop of white and what looked like slices of steak but ended up being some kinda fancy bacon! Americans LOVE bacon! And dallops. And white?! Fageddabowdit!

So what if it wasn't a beautiful burger?  It's not like the others are winning any beauty contests.

And who cares if it was the saltiest burger I've ever had?! For those clever dip-able ketchups I'll run to the ends of the Earth.

Sorry for the Silence

I was in Japan last week.  I used to live there.  I used to teach English sentences. Not dissimilar from these ones! I had these amazing students my last year in Japan and knew I wanted to come back at least one time for their high school graduation. My biggest fear though, was that I'd return to find out they outgrew me. There's little worse than being more excited to see someone you love than they are to see you. But I was in luck, because when my kids finally saw me, they burst into tears! It's a weird feeling wanting someone to miss you. As they start crying you think, "Yes! YES!! More!  Thats right! All the tears!"  and you start to feel like some kind of sadness-fueled monster.  Sure, its good for a while. But it starts to get weird when you have to explain why you're grinning with your eyes closed.

(Ha! "Titty")

Today, in [fake] news!

Headline: "Real Dogs Wear Pink: Husky refuses to race until gay jokes cease"