Today, in [fake] news!

Headline: "'Over when I say so' - Phil predicts business with neighborhood sandbox unfinished."

Awful Surprise

My boyfriend surprised me with flowers last week. I rarely get flowers and I never get tulips (my favo[u]rite) so I wasn't sure what one would look like when it dried.  I thought I'd save a blossom, for my reasons, but it just looks terrible. Maybe if I hadn't hung it to dry it wouldn't look like it was murdered.

I wonder if this was on purpose...

I doubt it's a coincidence the only neighborhood "Al Green's" is on Crenshaw.

Today, in [fake] news!

Headline: Aud Lang Signs: Mercy from above as three horseman abort plan to end world in 2012.*

(*The belief is that the world will end after December 21st this year.  More accurate news in 2012!)

My new invention*

Pancake-spoon!  You're welcome.

(*life-changing ideas in 2012!)

I only totally geek out once a year

Around Christmas.  Maybe it's best for my reputation if you don't know what I'm referring to/to what I'm referring*...

(*correct grammar in 2012!)

Today, in [fake] news!

Headline: "Ho-ho-hopeless: Burmese child constructs chimney in wish to bring Christmas to conflict-ridden nation."

Better Recognize!

I'm a pretty big deal.

Plastic Snacks

Nothing makes my mouth water quite the same as when I see a Barbie shoe. I hope I'm not alone in that. Because when I was an, apparently strange, little girl I would pop them into my mouth and chew on them until they got warm. But I'd spit them out though. Geez! I'm not a monster!

Boob-length hair

I've always had this dream of having boob-length hair. Not that I want to go around town inconspicuously topless, but I would certainly like to reserve the right to. 'Cause boob-length hair is good for so much! Hiding spill stains, playing make believe, old-timey japanese robberies, ...distracting attention from your smallish boobs. (YOUR smallish boobs!) Right now I'm nearly there, but it's still not good enough to keep me out of jail. I'm hoping that this time next year people will think twice before realizing, "That ain't no well-fitting brown shirt!" And that the makeshift mask I make with my hair as I run away will be convincing enough to protect my reputation.

Today, in [fake] news!

Headline: "Philippine government literally lifts lid on same sex marriage: Couples in holding await release"

Petrichor

Petrichor is the name for the smell of the ground after it rains. To me, "petrichor" sounds like the name of a dragon that flies into the clouds to create the rain. He'd be silvery white and let me ride on his back. Not in the clouds though, just around town because I'm scared of heights. But he'd know that because we'd be best friends. He'd look like this.

Lame chop

I decided to go as Lamb Chop for Halloween. But I spent the whole weekend silly-assing around and didn't have enough time to finish much more than these red mittens.  But I regret nothing, 'cause these are damn good red mittens.

I've narrowed my Halloween costume to two choices...

It's basically the same soup but different potatoes.

Maybe I shouldn't bug tech support with repeated emails...

I don't know what it means, but it sounds rude.