Just in time for Giftsmas!

Strangle-Me-Elmo!

Over The Hill/Under Stress

Hey, guys! Did I tell you im interviewing for a new roommate? Today I was talking to this girl (23), and I finally was like, "something something, because i'll be 29 next week and--" and she was like, "You're 29??" as if to say, "you have 10 children??" " or "you've been dead for years??" or "you're made of cake??"  it was really weird.  I haven't felt so old in a while.  I guess turning older's the end game so I can't get mad. (Thinking back, I should've said, "well, hopefully you'll be dead before you get as old as me.") If only i can avoid any one under 25 until I have my own children...

And lets talk about the absence.  Am i right? Yeesh!  So much to talk about [when i feel like it] <3

\(^o^)/ HAPPY 2013 \(^o^)/

I don't put anything past Kevin James

I can see it now...

Today, in [fake] news!

HEADLINE: "Man lends spirit energy to power cathedral"

Today, in [fake] news!

HEADLINE: Jewish men sent to Naughty Wall for treatment of Palestinians.

What are birds even DOING?!

That's weird, right?

Womanly Curves

I'm sick of magazines thinking just because I'm a woman, I have curves. Curves that only the right kind of clothing makes the difference from me being plus sized or a slut. Sure I'm a woman, but I only have slight curves. Like a penis.

An Offering For Optos

The blue-eyed robot. Your obedience pleases him.

No Apologies

I know I always have excuses on why I haven't been able to update this blog, but enough is enough.  I realized that sometimes I have time to post blogs and most other times I don't.  I will try my best to post when I can, but when I can't, without apology, I hope you can forgive me. <3

Pie Binge

This weekend I spent nearly $40 dollars on pie!  I went to a restaurant that was 80% pie and just went nuts!  But not nut pie. Pumpkin, lemon meringue and cherry.  I LOVE cherry pie!  At least I thought I did.  I ate one of the many slices I deserve and realized that cherry pie is nothing but maraschino cherries and slime.

Today, in [Fake] News!

Headline: "Progressive Jewish Sect Accept All Who Believe: Gentile Fence Overjoyed"

Today, in [fake] news!

Headline: "Dozens Cower As Bullies Claim Another Beach"

Today, in [fake] news!

Headline: "People's Republic of Phun: Citizen Gets Turn With Nation's Kite. Damage to Kite Felonious Offense."

[Almost] Perfect Crime

I know I always have a excuses as to why I don't blog but hear my out. I've been busy the past few weeks pulling an elaborate con. It needed all my attention and I got to say it was worth it.

Let me set up the scenario, ever since I returned from Japan, I've lived in a place that looked like this.

Not fancy, but fine because I was unemployed and owned no stuff. Also my old roommate (thats right, i have a new roommate now!) always had it in mind that she'd be moving to NY so she didn't want to commit to halvsies on anything she knew she wouldn't be keeping. But in February she moved and I finally had the chance to make the place my own.  Which I didn't.  I was happy living like this until mid April when I remembered I'd be hosting a friend from overseas for two weeks.  So I dedicated the next three weeks shopped and dusted to make my house look like this: 

I would've gotten away with it if I wasn't such a dope. I couldn't stop smiling and within the first 30 minutes I spilled the beans that I'm a window-dressing phony. Which is fine. I suffered enough.

What a waste